ACCORDING to Myanmar tradition, the first part of a person’s life should be devoted to gaining education, the second part to seeking fortune, and the third to attaining religious wisdom.

But tradition fails to say when a person should marry — a crucial question for young people who are eager to gain independence from their parents.

Buddhist custom says a girl should not marry before age 20 without her parents’ permission. But there is no age restriction for a boy, and many young people start talking and dreaming about marriage at an early age.

As a 17-year-old girl, Ma Khin Yadana thought marriage would be natural and easy. She says romantic stories and films suggest that “you fall in love, then you get married and you live happily ever after. I didn’t realise marriage is a big step that should not be taken lightly.”

She says her home life also made marriage appealing.

“The major reason why I got married early is because of my father, who imposed strict rules at home and always scolded me in front of my friends. All I thought about as a teenager was escaping him,” she says.

So Ma Khin Yadana, now 21, left home to study at Yangon Technical University in Pyay, where she met her future husband.

“I was head-over-heels in love with him, and my fear of my father forced me to marry him,” she says. “Now my marriage hangs by a thread because I’m too young to be a good housewife and my husband is also too young to be a breadwinner.”

Ma Swe Swe Win, 18, got married two months ago. She was brave enough to demand her father’s permission to marry the man she loves. She says she never considered eloping — she thought it would embarrass her family.

Now, holding her husband’s hand, she says she’s confident her marriage will last, making both partners happy long into the future.

“I don’t think age is the key factor in building a lifelong marriage,” she says. “If your marriage is based on love, kindness, understanding and forgiveness, then it will be successful whether you start at 16 or 60.”

The couple is saving money to start a family. She plans to have her first child when she’s 25.

“I don’t have any financial support from my parents or my in-laws. We have to stand on our own feet,” she says.

In Myanmar society, marriage allows people to create stable families. A man and woman marry with the intention of staying together for life. Within that bond, most choose to have children, guaranteeing parents are committed to their children and to each other.

Ma Swe Swe Win believes her children will support her when she grows old and can no longer work.

“When I’m 45, my children will have graduated and have proper jobs, so they can assume the responsibilities of a breadwinner,” she says.

Although she never regrets her teen marriage, her feelings waver between sadness and contentment.

“Since I’m a high school dropout, sometimes I miss my friends from school. I want to go back to school when I see someone my own age wearing a school uniform,” she says.

Old couples in Myanmar are proud to say they are Ngelin-Ngemayar — a couple that’s been married since they were young. They are also very proud of monogamy.

No ceremony is needed for two Myanmar Buddhists to marry. A man and woman can openly live together as husband and wife if they’re regarded as such by their friends and relatives. But many couples go before a judge and swear an affidavit to approve their marriage.

Ko Yan Aung, 29, a father of two children, got married when he was a 17-year-old high school student. He signed before a judge and the marriage was recognised by his parents and in-laws.

“I was in a state of marital bliss before my wife gave birth to twins,” he says.
With the children born, now the couple faces financial difficulties feeding and look after them.

“My in-laws took responsibility for one of the kids because we had trouble putting them through school,” he says.

U Min Sein, 60, a lawyer and father of a 16-year-old daughter, says teen marriage can put a strain on couples.

“I’m quite sure teenage couples will have problems with money, immaturity and interfering in-laws,” he says.

More teen marriages happen in rural areas than in urban settings because many children are needed to run a family farm, he says.

“When neither of the parents is fully mature, they aren’t wise enough to learn the give and take that’s so important in a marriage. Teenagers are more accustomed to getting than to giving,” he says.

“When a teenager protests passionately that she has found a perfect mate, that she hasn’t the slightest interest in anyone else, I have a question that she will not like, but which needs to be asked: Why don’t you wait a while?”